quality control: McDonald's iced mochas

Yesterday, McDonald's gave away free 7 oz. samplings of their iced mocha, in which we partook. Four times. No, we did not mooch, we were testing for quality control. Are all McDonald's associates at various locations equally enthusiastic on "mixology"? Will the comfort of seeing chain restaurants everywhere with the knowledge that no matter where we are, we will be able to get the same exact item prove to be true?

First Micky D's we hit up was the 4711 Miami St, South Bend, IN location. The drink comes in a miniature version of their regular size, which I think is cute. I also think I'm going to order a "short" at SBUX whenever I get a flavored beverage from now on. First sip resulted in a note of edge from the espresso, followed by a chocolaty sweetness that blended together as it should. The drink was chilled enough to make the flavors stand out properly, as well. Nice job.

Next stop was the 416 N Michigan St, South Bend, IN location, two from the hospital and the closest to Notre Dame, not to mention where anyone downtown would go if they wanted their fast food fix. After which they could proceed to the hospital. I actually got out to get mine this time, and they were not prepared to place our order. What I mean is that if you are having a free giveaway, you should be set up, but they had to search for cups and other ingredients. Fail.
Back in the car, after a picture, it became clear that the punk hadn't any clue how to follow instructions. Way too sweet, and the chocolate tasted powdery. Here is where we got into a banter over how our iced mochas tasted, me saying it was too sweet and didn't have any espresso taste, her saying it didn't have any sweetness and just tasted of espresso, me saying that she's wrong, it's too sweet. Then we switched cups and realized that these were not made the same. Fail again. Fail representation of the impeccable McDonald's standards.

Third stop was at 52665 State Road 933, South Bend, IN, another place out of towners might stop at. The landscape at this location was lovely. Again, though, for being almost empty, they were not prepared to mix these up and had to go on a search for cups, and they were out of the cups for the iced version.

There could not have been a worse iced mocha than the last one, and luckily this wasn't. But it wasn't iced enough so it was like drinking a lukewarm hot mocha latte. Seriously, this is getting troubling.

On the plus side, this was the only location where we were asked whether or not we wanted whole or nonfat milk. This did not, however, make up for the wait, but it was interesting to note.

Final stop on our research took us to the 5704 Grape Rd, Mishawaka, IN location. I think. Anyway, the lady who asked us what we wanted kind of gave us a face when she realized we weren't actually ordering anything. Hahah. This one didn't quite have enough chocolate sweetness, but it was the closest to the first iced mocha.

So there you go, not all iced mochas are made equal. You'll be lucky if you get something drinkable the next time you pull up to a McDonald's with a craving, and this will probably, hopefully, be in the back of your mind.

Hand model

potato gnocchi

One of my favorite ways to use potatoes is turning it into pillowy mounds of gnocchi. I don't really care for mashed potatoes, although mine are excellent (does it make any sense that I can make well what I don't care for?).

The first step is to boil the whole russet potatoes in their jackets. What you have to get past is the humanizing of an edible, akin to the oysters in The Walrus and the Carpenter. All I know is that if I saw something tasty wearing shoes, jackets, whatever, I'd feel a little like a cannibal if I did eat it, which is why I am opposed to tuxedoed strawberries.
Anyway, after the boiling you peel the potatoes immediately after removing from the pan, then rice it. And I swear gnocchi was invented by the Italian mafia since this has to be a form of torture, even if you are wearing gloves or holding the potato by a clean cotton towel.

Once the riced potatoes have cooled, you make a well and dump in some of the flour, the salt and pepper, a bit of freshly grated nutmeg (just enough to enhance the potato flavor), and a beaten egg. Gather the flour into the egg and draw in the potato a little at a time, ending up with a large mound of emulsified dough that you've kneaded until all ingredients are thoroughly distributed, but not enough to make it overly glutenized.

My fake nonna, Lidia Bastianich, says that the correct texture of finished dough should resemble cookie dough with little holes strewn about, and I say it should pretty much be soft to the touch, but not sticky. This woman knows what's up.

Slice each half into half to make fourths, then keep the rest covered while you roll out one piece on a lightly floured surface. Slice the log up into evenly-sized "pillows", some recipe say 1", some less, I like making smaller gnocchi because the shape comes out better.

Take a piece and roll it down the tines of a fork, pressing down with your thumb, to create ridges on one side and an indent, which I like to refer to as a sauce catcher, on the other side.

If you aren't cooking these up immediately, place gnocchi in a single layer on a baking sheet lined with wax paper and dusted lightly with flour and freeze until solid.

While I didn't use her recipe this time, Lidia Bastianich's recipe is my referral guide as she offers precise instructions for turning out excellent gnocchi, so take a look and read through her recipe, method, and tips here.

P.S. I know all recipes say cook for 2-3 minutes, but as I have a paranoia of disintegrating gnocchi I cook them just until they rise to the surface and I'm quite certain it's not 2-3 minutes, I don't know. You may or may not want to listen to me.

orange french toast à la emeril lagasse

A long time ago, back in the day, I bought a cookbook for my brothers called Emeril's There's A Chef in My Soup! Recipes for the Kid in Everyone. They've since (and I mean in the span of a few years, now) have cooked and baked up a select few of the recipes, probably because they thought I was hinting at their character. Or something.

One of the recipes made more than once is the pancake recipe, but I am going to talk about the lesser made but still made more than once recipe, Orange French Toast. I love orange so much that I've been told I need to stop putting orange flavors in about 97% of the things I bake, so it makes sense why this gets tops over pancakes.

The custardy base is pimped out with the addition of freshly squeezed orange juice and the grated rind, and I've found out that the addition of a small amount of freshly grated nutmeg enhances the flavor tremendously.

Whilst cooking these up (which my brother was making for a late lunch/early dinner) I thought about the Frenched toast recipe from A Homemade Life, Molly from Orangette's book where she talks about how her dad makes French toast. She says the only way to really cook it is in a decent amount of butter, as it helps to caramelize the custard-soaked bread and lends a buttery accent. I should make sure I'm remembering this correctly, though now you can go read the book and find out for yourself if I am, indeed, correct. Seriously, this was a great book that I highly recommend.

Anyhow, I didn't remember quite how much butter-per-slice she used, though I just added a decent sliver of butter to the pan with each new slice. As a side note, this should be served almost immediately after removing from the pan because it sort of "falls" if you hold it back, not to mention you're missing that instantaneous crispy hot outtards that you bite through to the silky innards.

Second side note, what peeves me the most about when people (and you know who you are -- no, I'm not passively aggressively speaking to my bro) are stingy with the custard and only very lightly dip the bread in so that it gets a light coating instead of the custard being thoroughly infused into the very soul of the bread. Then, you slice into the bread with the side of your fork, revealing the top and bottom layer of custard and the middle layer which is only heated bread. FAIL. In caps.

Third and final side note, the heat of the pan is crucial. You need to cook the bread over a high enough flame so that the bread won't sit in a pan of butter and become soggy, yet you want it low enough so that the outside won't cook before the inside does. Don't rush it, and just pay attention to the heat as some pans retain heat more efficiently than others.

Finally, just eat it. I cannot believe I have this many thoughts on French toast, but I take what I eat very seriously, even ramen noodles. And make sure you dust a decently thick coating of confectioners' sugar so that it won't dissolve before you sit down.

Recipe after the jump

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Emeril's Favorite French Toast
From Emeril's There's A Chef in My Soup! Recipes for the Kid in Everyone

Yield ~ 4 servings or 8 (on the Wackford Squeers Diet)

Ingredients ~
4 large eggs
1 cup whole milk
1/4 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
1 tablespoon orange zest (zest the orange first)
2 teaspoons granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
8 slices bread
8 teaspoons unsalted butter
Confectioners' sugar
Maple syrup or the like

Directions ~

1. Preheat oven to 200°. Heat a skillet (preferably two) over medium heat until hot, about 3 to 5 minutes.


2. Crack eggs into a large mixing bowl and whisk well. Add the milk, orange juice, orange zest, granulated sugar, vanilla extract, and salt, and whisk until well combined.


3. Melt 1 teaspoon of the butter in the skillet. Dip a slice of bread into the egg mixture, flipping over to coat both sides (make sure the mixture is infused evenly into the bread). Add a the slice to the skillet, and cook until the bread is golden brown and crusted on the bottom, about 2 minutes. Flip over and cook about 1 - 1 1/2 minutes longer until the second side is golden.


4. Transfer the French toast from the skillet to a wire cooling rack and place in the oven to keep warm whilst you cook the other sides.


5. Repeat with remaining slices, being sure to add 1 teaspoon butter to the pan before every slice.


6. Sprinkle each plate with confectioners' sugar and serve with syrup.